A Very Shoker Valentine's Day
by A Timid Soul
Summary: Just a fun little scene between Shepard and Joker on Valentine's Day.


Joker shifted nervously in his chair. Today had to be his least favorite day: Valentine's Day.

The crew had thrown themselves into the spirit of the day with gusto. Paper hearts and flowers were sprinkled throughout the ship, and someone had managed to sweet talk Gardner into baking cupcakes. And to top it all off, Shepard had commandeered one of the observation decks and was serving drinks and sweets to anyone who happened to stop by.

Joker sighed, running a hand across his face. Somehow the strange virus had managed to squirm into Joker's mind the day before. He had made a Valentine's Day card complete with a terrible pick-up line and glitter; of course, this was simply because he got bored waiting on the ship all day and had to keep himself occupied. That and the fact that he didn't want the crew to harass him for not getting into the spirit of the day. Shepard was a stickler for keeping up with the customs of all cultures, after all.

And yet, somehow, his card idea had backfired. The yeoman had made comments about his sudden and strange hobby before immediately interrogating the pilot as to the intended receiver of the card. Joker tried to wave her off, especially when she offered to hand-deliver the card, but was backed into a corner by her insistence. Eventually, he found that he had reluctantly agreed to have Doctor Chakwas slip it to the intended person when they went in for their check-up that day. "That day" was yesterday and as of now, Joker had yet to hear how the person had handled his card.

"I'm screwed," Joker mumbled.

"What is wrong, Jeff?" chirped EDI.

"Nothing, EDI. Just…leave me alone, would you?"

"Of course," the disembodied voice responded.

Part of Joker wished that he could just get the awkward confrontation over with; this waiting was killing him.

"Jeff?"

"Gosh, _what_ EDI? I told you to leave me alone."

"Commander Shepard requests your presence on Starboard Observation."

_Shit._

"Uh, tell her I can't come. I'm feeling a little under the weather."

"If you are implying that you are not feeling physically well, I can assure you that my scans indicate –"

"Just, tell her EDI!" the pilot snapped.

"Of course," EDI replied before blipping out of sight.

Okay, so maybe Joker had to amend his earlier musings. He would rather the confrontation be put off for as long as possible. He couldn't believe that he actually got himself into this mess. He didn't get paid enough to deal with this.

"Oh, Joker!" sing-songed the Commander a few minutes later.

_Shit. Shitshitshitshit shit._

"Yes, Commander?" Joker replied, eyes steady on the console before him.

"EDI said that you weren't feeling well," the Commander said as she perched herself on the arm of his chair. "I was rather offended; you could've just said that you didn't want to come."

He snuck a glance to the side. _She's wearing civvies._

"Uh, sorry, ma'am. I'll keep that in mind next time."

"Oh, don't be such a downer. Here, I brought you a cookie."

Joker held his hand out for the cookie, eyes never breaking contact with the screen before him. However, his gaze did shift as he caught sight of a startling shade of red. Upon closer inspection, he realized that the Commander was wearing fingernail polish.

Following his line of sight, the Commander laughed.

"You noticed, did you?" she asked, wiggling her fingers in the air. "Kasumi insisted I wear it. Said that I looked good in the…oh, how'd she put it? 'The color of passion.'"

Trying to keep his thoughts in line, Joker examined the cookie. It was smothered in gaudy pink icing and topped with sprinkles. He could smell the sugar. Or was that the Commander?

"You don't have to eat it," the Commander continued. "They're filled with the worst artificial sugar I've ever tasted. I'm pretty sure the mess hall will smell that way for weeks."

Joker put the cookie to the side, trying to keep his composure. He could practically feel the Commander's body heat on his right arm.

"Alright, Flight Lieutenant. What's up? You've barely said two words since I've been up here."

"It's nothing, Commander. I'm fine. Thanks for the cookie."

"I'm not buying it. What is it? Is someone harassing you? Was it Kasumi? 'Cause I've told her that she needs to stop…stalking people or whatever it is she does around Jacob. I'll go talk to her right –"

"No, she's not –"

Joker paused as he realized that he had grabbed the Commander's arm to keep her from leaving.

"She's not bothering me," Joker continued, quickly releasing his grip on his superior officer and hiding his gaze as he met her amused expression. "It's nothing. Enjoy your party, Commander."

"Fine, whatever you say," she said, pushing herself up.

She paused before leaning in and pressing a quick peck to his cheek.

"Happy Valentine's Day, flyboy."

Joker promptly flushed a deep shade of red. Somehow, over the pounding of blood in his ears, Joker caught the retreating steps of his Commander. Before he could stop himself he blurted:

"Did Chakwas tell you anything?"

The steps stopped.

"No," said the voice said. "Well…"

_Here it comes._

"She did tell me that she had to miss the party. Said something about glitter getting all over her equipment yesterday, and she has to finish cleaning the lab."

_Wait, she doesn't know. Shepard doesn't know._

"Why, should she have?" Joker knew that Shepard was wearing that same annoyed look she had when she didn't have enough intel before going into a mission.

"Uh, no. No, Commander. I must've misinterpreted something. Have a, uh, happy Valentine's Day."

Joker didn't see the Commander smile to herself as she picked glitter out from under her nails.

"You too, flyboy."

* * *

_Author's Note_: Just a little something for y'all. It's a bit of an older piece, so I'm sorry if it's a little rough. And yes, I know I am posting this the day before Valentine's Day, but knowing me, I'd forget tomorrow. Hope y'all have a Happy Valentine's Day!


End file.
